Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
