Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
