The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
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I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
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Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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