for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
