Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
