I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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