Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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