I think my vagina is haunted
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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