she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
there was a trapeze. enough said
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
