im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
