i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
