a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
