She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
