you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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