Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
