Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
