Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
