btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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