I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
