So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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