Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
