if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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