You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
