I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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