Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
