Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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