Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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