she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
