we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
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No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
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Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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