i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
