Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
