my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
