Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
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Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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