There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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