If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize