dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize