is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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