Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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