I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
