You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
