Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
