3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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