Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
