there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
