Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
