i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
