ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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