if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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