She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
