i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
