Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer