Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
