Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
