note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize