Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize