I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize